For as long as I can remember I have always felt on the outside of groups – never quite feeling that I belonged. When I came to CTF a year ago I was struggling in relationships with some family members and work colleagues and was close to losing the few friends that I had.
Someone came up to me on that first Sunday and said ” What a shame….we had a whole weekend together and you just missed it.” I remember thinking (and probably saying) “I couldn’t think of anything worse – trapped together with people for a whole weekend!!!
Even the social chat at the end of the church service each week was hugely stressful for me and I would get my cup of green tea, return to my seat (my safety zone) and make myself stay till I had drunk my tea.
When I first heard about the Encounter weekend I just knew that it was going to change my life. That weekend was the catalyst that started over 2 months of tears and tantrums (some of them embarrassingly in public at work.) God was bringing deep issues one by one to the surface to be dealt with and He was healing deep wounds inside me.
As God worked deep inside I was experiencing more freedom, more security and a greater ability to feel safe around people. God told me one day that I no longer needed to talk about myself as someone who was unable to form healthy friendships because I was just not that person any more.
I am still learning to live out my healing but I trust God to finish the work He started. I’m beginning feel a sense of belonging in the CTF family and have also felt prompted to become a NZ citizen so that I can belong to the country that I have adopted. And I have met some awesome friends here at CTF that have been such a huge blessing to me.
Thank you Father God